as long as you are not at my playground i just can sing
well i'm a one man band
nobody knows nor understands
is there anybody out there wanna lend me a hand?
to my one man band...
this is it!
Oh man! I didn't understand anything!!
hmm many various perspectives at the same time
not to take a decision has consequences too so it's finally a decision anyway.
I think it's better to choose completly than just from an inability standpoint...
well I know you can fill your empty life but... hm......
in my reality there are endless ways for love
and (maybe you won't hear it) the question is
how we want to be related to it
and now I'm at the beginning again: it's a decision
if you say now again: but I'm not able to decide
I'll say it's okay I accept, but I think you can go a muhc better and happier way
I know you can...
I am glad you thought about my words of yesterday.
Why is it a hard decision?
Because I am not able to take it.
Saying hello to my new life...hum I feel like I would say hello to an empty life. But it's just a feeling,
I know it is absurd. I don't know what happened at a certain time in my life, really.
Tomorrow I am on holyday if you want to appear. At least I can stay awake little more tonight.
You see? My intention is different...
I can also hate you but days passing, I am going to look for you again, I don't know why.
I am trying myself to understand, maybe I could have acted in many other ways, in any case, I think.
The idea of you, I said the idea, as I do not know you at all, launches me on a different state of being, which is happy, I don't know why. Or maybe I know,
Unfortunately I am not the only feeling this kind of things and in the practice I am not sure I would even be same.
I find yr definition of love quite fair generally speaking, I thought about it too But you see,
now I will go to the particular.
There are at least two ways for love. I am sure you already understood without me saying much more.
What do you tell me instead?
thought about your words of yesterday
and I do not quite understand why it is an hard desicion
when you were so much in pain shouldn't it be easy to say hello to
the new idea of your life?
aand what do you think about my definition of love?
Ok I've read now...but now I go to sleep
my definition of love is:
when something makes me happy just and only because it exists.
can be a tree or a river a person or........ my life
if I have the claim that I want a kiss and can't have it and I'm offended because of it,
that's no love, for example. it's selfish.
but yes, all the things you said are love too,
that's the result of this feeling.
good idea to read tommorow!
don't know if I replied good either
When I care, I am present, I am understanding and forgiving. (But I can also be angry and insolent quite sometimes..). When I put myself in the other person's position and I value it a lot and try to ameliorate the idea this person has about him/herself. When I am concerned to what this person is concerned or worried with. When I am encouraging, helping. When I am funny and smiling and calm, or excited too. When I think about this person both when we are together or when I am alone, when I try to find something out to make this person happy, when I am patient and I don't get long offended by what might say, there is a big possibility I generally love this person.
what about your general idea of love?
(ps If I don't reply it's because I'll read you tomorrow, as unfortunately I have got to go to sleep because here it's past one at night..)
hmm I'm not sure if it was an good explanation
just wanted to say I go out of every feeling with an good idea
that it could be in another way
there is an possibility... everytime...
first I accept it, say: "okay I'm very sad because I'm alone" and start crying
then I think about my thoughts
what means alone or what is the opposite of it
what do I wish
mostly it's just a problem created by my thoughts
yes we are alone BUT that is the ground for being together
and if somebody is able to understand my feelings it's clear:
I'm not alone.
so communication is the way
and if there is nobody who understands
(that's the worst case)
I cry a bit more and say:
"okay, but I am able to understand others and that's also good"
and I love myself that I miss so much because it shows that it is one of the most important things in my life.
maybe the quetion is also:
what is your definition of love?
I don't mean love to a specific person,
like your parents or your girl/boyfriend
I mean generel when you put everything you love in a pot
and find a topic for
yes I would like to know
you know we won't!
do you want to know my way out of this feeling?
we will see
I can't tell because in your case I don't know...
we should forget...
yes I think the same, we grew up with this concept of incompleteness
and I also understand the consequences
I also had this feeling often
don't you know a way to change?
It is a hard punch in the stomach
it is anxiety
it is pain
It is incompleteness, but you feel it's only by yr side and a product of your insane mind.
And it is wanting it hard but you consider it not faisible in any way.
It's only you feeling this, and you feel alone and lost in the world, and it looks like there is no other chance.
And you are not the only one either.
It's a constant missing.
It's self injuring and romantic.
It's going against your values.
It' is just a silly elaboration you made up by yourself with no evidence or proof.
It's even a habit you've grown up with.
And it would be a disaster in any fucking way.
This is how I feel these days.
I can say this as I am hidden, I wonder if you're able to laugh at this.
it sounds a bit like the melancholy of saying goodbye to an old life
I know this feeling...
what means that you felt left the other day?
wish you the same
and send you little kisses from your head up to your feet
Believe me if I am saying that it is a very tough decision this one for me.
Very hard cause it is like to develop a new idea of my life from now on.
I felt left the other day.
I wish you the best with all the love I could ever have.
it seems one of my mind problems is future stuff
so I'll write it down now here because at the moment nobody is in my apartment for telling
I want to work for free in an hospice for dying children
want to grow vegetables and build a little little house on a field in nature
live in an old castle with an anarcho commune for restore the building
and ohhh soooo many other stuff I have no steady plan
I want no steady plan..... just flexible ideas YAY
I'll just mediate and fast
preparing my apartment till sylvester(last day)
meet friends and travel a bit
hope that helps to be more by myself again
what about you?
what do you think about future plans?
have you some ideas or a concrete imagination?
I'm very confused because I lived few days with a friend
and I am connected with his feelings thoughts and body now
he is very instabil in faith and has often claims and desire and doubts
sooo..... now I have his behaviour........
shouldn't be tragically
it'll take a bit time to get out..
wish you a happy time
see you after renewing
ah no, I was casually passinh through here and I wanted to say hi to you
are u there?
what the do you mean with "cd"?
This is new to me!
you mean the old concept of compact disc?
you busy bee!
I do not really understand this metaphor of "cd"
Hello! See I am stalking you
May God bless you
I was kidding as I would have really done the same so... I understand you perfectly, I understand your point of view, I understand what you feel, I understand you at all and I can tell you you are right.
wish me good night now, my friend
and I got a handkiss from my friend (the car owner) because his car isn't insured
.. and I'm not too....
and we are poor...
woooooooooooooow!!!!! what a horrible thing you did!!!!
hit and run...
now I'm really criminal...
yees I work a lot mostly not to get money but work anyway
what car di you smash today?
hope not the car I smashed today...
I mean I work...don't you work?
a simple job, just to buy the car
yes, at work
In any case I am not here to flirt with you, take note
at work? I don't understand
wow!! Freud was right!
At work there are many too, I undertsand...
ha, no seville
..and I dream a lot so there are many persons I met..
Thanks a lot! well I thought I saw you in Seville, easy as that!
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